Coming next summer! Confessions of the Sausage Queen

Pork Queen. Photo thanks to Gastronomica: Queen of All Things

First there was The P-Town Queen. Then came the Sausage Queen! I'm pleased, chuffed, overcome, and goofy happy to announce that my comedy, Confessions of the Sausage Queen, will be coming out with Champagne Books next July.

Mandy Minhouser figures that she’s already had her fifteen minutes of fame and excitement. The hype created by the picture that her husband Randy sent in to Girls! Girls! Girls!,  which featured Mandy wearing nothing but a garden hat, has finally died down. And life in the little town of Kassenburg  goes on as it ever has. Until Big Bill Ludowski, founder and owner of the town’s largest employer - Bill’s Big and Tasty Sausage- dies while he and Mandy’s grandmother Lila Rose were, as Mandy puts it, doing their best Adam and Eve imitation under the hydrangea bushes.  That Gran and Big Bill have had an affair that began around the same time as World War II is a secret that everyone in Kassenburg knows. But a new secret is about to be revealed. Big Bill has, in a DVD that only he, his lawyers and Mandy’s Gran know about,  bequeathed the sausage factory to Lila. And he’s posthumously  offered the job of CEO to Mandy, much to the consternation of his relatives.

            Mandy doesn’t know squat about the sausage biz and Bill’s grandson Hughes, the factory’s CFO, does everything in his power to discredit Mandy and close the Big and Tasty. But Mandy has the one thing that Hughes doesn’t-- family and friends willing to put themselves on the line to save the sausage people. With hope, faith and a whole lot of luck, Mandy and company manage to do just that.

           

Autumn's Harvest Blog Hop

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 Grand Prize Winners:

Kindle Fire Winner:

Tina B.

$50 Amazon Gift Card:

Sarah L.

Swag Pack:
Lynn Cahoon

 

                                                e-book copy of The Whisper of Time:
                                                                        Cass 

                              A big thanks to everyone who stopped by and hopped this weekend! 

Hi and welcome to the Autumn's Harvest Blog hop! Instructions for the hop said "Write a funny, entertaining, enjoyable post about autumn." Easy peezy lemon squeezy (or is that apple cider pressy?) said I. After all, autumn is a lovely season. There are colorful leaves and apples and...
      I sat down and started to write. A strange thing happened; I began to feel like a pupil in Mrs. McGillicutty's fifth grade classroom. Mrs. McG had just given us an assignment: write a theme about Autumn.  I stared at the empty blue book laid out on my desk, blue lines waiting for words. I chewed my pencil eraser.
     "Autumn? Autumn?" I thought to myself. My mind went blank and I began to panic. I stared out the window for a time. A small bird landed on the chain link fence and flitted away. Poetry! I thought. That was it! I would write a poem! A rhyming poem would impress Mrs. McG!
    I made a list: Autumn, Got em, Bought em, onion. I started to write:

There's apples in Autumn

The orchards they got em

The trees got red leaves on em

We're all out of onions

     Mrs. McG read over my shoulder and shook her head. "Ute, Ute, Ute. The orchards they got em? That isn't grammatically correct. It's barely English."

    I began to erase with my chewed down eraser, leaving skid marks and a hole where the poem used to be. I turned the page and began again. I'd use fall this time. Fall was easier to rhyme than autumn. I made a list: Fall, ball, small, tall, wall, brawl, sprawl. I could've gone  on all day. 

    Mrs. McG took off her reading glasses. "You're going to write a quatrain rhyme using fall? How very hickery dickery of you. If you're going to write a poem, write a real poem." I'd forgotten. Mrs. McG was a bit of a poetry snob. And I wasn't really in the fifth grade.

    A real poem. Okay. What do I associate with Autumn? Death. You know, short days, dead leaves on the ground, All Soul's Day.

              The end is near come, November

the last of the leaves is fallen,

withered and brown

darkness gathers

  Mrs. McG  sighed. "Did you not read the directions? They say light and funny. When did dead leaves become funny?"

     "It doesn't have to be funny," I told her. "It said entertaining."

      "Yes. Readers are always so entertained by depressed poets. Especially during a fun giveaway blog hop. "

     There's just no pleasing this woman. I turn another page. I write:

      I like the fall

the leaves and all

the trees so tall

and onions, too.

I close the book. Mrs. McGillicutty's going to give me an F. I know it.

Thanks for stopping by! Leave a comment for a chance to win an e-copy of The Whisper of Time.

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When fate offers Gwynn Powell a chance to start over, she jumps at the opportunity. Laid off and living with a husband whose gambling problem has eaten through a good part of their savings, Gwynn buys a farmhouse sight unseen, leaving both her marriage and her old home behind.
But fate has more in mind for Gwynn than just a new home. The farmhouse, tucked away in the Green Mountains of Vermont where even GPS can’t find it, is also a step back in time. And Slate Peck, the farm’s caretaker and part owner, is tied to Gwynn’s destiny in ways she never expected.

Be sure to stop by at the other hop stops. Leave comments here and at other stops for chances to win these great prizes: 

1st Grand Prize: A Kindle Fire or Nook Tablet

2nd Grand Prize: A $50 Amazon or B&N Gift Card

3rd Grand Prize: A Swag Pack that contains 10+ paperbacks, ebooks, 50+ bookmarks, cover flats, magnets, pens, coffee cozies, and more!

With one chance at each stop and over two hundred stops, that's over two hundred chances to win!! Even Mrs. McGillicutty has said I'm good at arithmetic!