WTFriday. New Gadget division--The Motorized Ice Cream Cone

Welcome to WTFriday, the occasional Friday blog where I expound on some of the awesome, quirky, amazing, and sometimes really weird things in today's world.

photo from Gadgets Network

What better way to enjoy a hot summer afternoon than with a cold scoop or two? But you know how it is on those shirt-stick-to-your-back days. It's haaaard to moooove. You get kinda lazy and all you want to do is lie there and adsorb the sun. Who has the energy to turn to cone?
Fret no more, dear friend, the solution is at hand. Hog Wild, the inventive toy and gizmo geniuses who brought you the talking Moo Mixer and the twirling spaghetti fork have devised a motorized ice cream cone. Just turn it on and stick out your tounge. Yum.

PS if licking becomes to arduous, I can be hired for a nominal fee. You supply the Cherry Garcia.

Dear Winter #WTFriday

Dear Winter,

I’m sorry. 

I've been moping ever since your fickle brother, Summer, packed up his wine coolers and his Frisbee and left me with you. Silent brooding stormy you. I missed those silly songs he sang, how he laughed long and hard at just about anything.

I locked myself away from you. I called you a cold hearted bastard, I named you cruel. I made fun of the way you never seem to have anything at all to say.

Then today, you stood at my doorstep with the sun in your arms and asked me to come away with you. I didn’t want to leave the warmth of my house, my steaming coffee, the novel half-read on the end table. I gave you a million reasons why I couldn’t—there was e-mail to answer and laundry to wash and the refrigerator needed cleaning.

I’d forgotten how persistent you can be. You stood fast, saying nothing, in your white suit and carrying that sun. And finally, out of excuses, I bundled myself, still grumbling, into my coat and hat. I got my skinny skis from the back of the closet.

You’d done your magic on the park. The pine boughs draped in white linen , the snowflakes lit to flickering under that luminous sun, the  brilliance only you know how to conjure. And the quiet—I had forgotten how it slows down the world, how it reminds me just breathing is enough.

I glided on the soft snow and remembered how, in my younger days, I’d loved you best of all. Your snow filled woods had filled me with wonder. I swooped down your sunlight slopes, the wind racing through my hair singing yes, yes and yes again.

How could I have forsaken you? Today you came to me dressed in your finest white and asked I come away with you.  I am glad I didn’t refuse you.  I love you, still.

#WTFriday--Dino Porn

    Welcome to WTF, the occasional Friday feature where I blog on about some of the weird, wild, and downright stunning things happening on the planet.

If you think I'm sexy..image courtesy of Wikimedia

It’s been a while since I’ve done a WTF post, but this particular post needed to be written ASAP. It’s all over the news in book world—Dino Porn, or if you are so inclined, Dino Erotica, is all the rage. That’s right, somebody out there is making up stories about hot chicks and prehistoric creatures and they have become as popular as a Flintstones cartoon in 1969.

I write, among other things, quirky comedies. And as a writer of quirk, I’ve put some pretty strange stuff into my fiction, from an exploding dead whale, to a loose wrecking ball, to a dump of single shoes from an airplane. Yet I have never in my wildest dreams considered writing about sex with dinosaurs.

And here’s the thing—I’m not thinking “gee, I wish I’d thought of that” as I so often do when another writer comes up with a brilliant idea. No, my thoughts around this are more “that’s too friggin weird to even consider.”

I’ll admit I’ve been tempted to pick up one of these tomes and read it. Sort of in the same way I’m tempted to watch a man bite the head off a chicken. Because it’s so weird, my curiosity is peaked. But one thing I’ve learned over the course of my lifetime is that it’s not always a good idea to give in to curiosity. Because, face it, once you’ve seen the chicken thing or read the dino thing, no amount of anything will ever get those images out of your head. I’ve got enough weirdness residing in my cerebral cortex, thank you very much.

And now, I’ve read an article that suggests some people are turned on by the idea of getting it on with Deeno the Dino. This too, is something I can never get out of my head. Or wrap my brain around, for that matter.

To my mind, a T-Rex is a lot like an alligator, only a lot bigger and a lot less cuddly. I’ve been to Florida, to a park where you can observe alligators in the wild from a gazebo near the shore of swampy pond. I can honestly say that, as I stood there watching these prehistoric-looking creatures wallow in the mud like so many logs, the thought “Oh baby, I’d love to get down and dirty with those bad boys” never once crossed my mind.

Of course, one could argue that T-Rex is the biggest and baddest of the dino boys. Certainly, there are gentler creatures in the dino world,  and you could find a different sort of dino to love,  a dino who would not be inclined to gobble you down like a cocktail weenie at a barbeque should you decide to come on to him. A brontosaurus perhaps. 

Sweet? Maybe. Sexy? Not so much.

To my mind, a brontosaurus is a lot like a steer. On a recent trip to Colorado, I saw many steer grazing in the grass. Again, I can honestly say that, as I watched these gentle creatures munch away, the thought “Look at the shoulders on that hunk of beef over there, he’s sooo hot,” never once crossed my mind. 

The bottom line is, the idea of  inter-species romance kinda makes me squirm and want to rinse out my mouth. Now maybe I’m just uptight,  but I think anyone who’s  having erotic thoughts about a dinosaur ought to seek help right away. I’m sure there’s a support group out there somewhere.

What the? Friday: Men in Kilts

Welcome to WTF,  an occasional Friday blog where I ramble on about some of the amusing, amazing, awe inspiring, or just plain crazy things in the world.


 Men in kilts is a company of handy men who will clean your gutters and  wash your windows.While wearing kilts.
The company was started a dozen years ago in Vancouver with a single kilt.  Now there are multiple franchises all over the US and Canada.
And really, what could be better than a guy pressure washing your siding in a kilt? Come to think of it, my windows look a little grimy...

And, for all my friends here in New England, Men in Kilts now has a franchise in Boston.

What the? Friday. The Stand Still Parade

 Welcome to WTF,  an occasional Friday blog where I ramble on about some of the amusing, amazing, awe inspiring, or just plain crazy things in the world.

Photo of Stand Still Parade

The little town of Whalen is in the southeast corner of Minnesota, near the bluffs overlooking the Root River and not too far from the Iowa state line. Whalen is the kind of place most people wouldn't know about, a town with a population that doesn't make triple digits (only sixty three counted at the last census). But, back about fifteen years ago, Whalen made the national news. Because fifteen years ago, Whalen became the only town ever to host a stand still parade.
Whalen had long wanted to host a parade, replete with a shiny firetruck, a band, maybe a float or two. The problem was that, unlike New York City which hosts the Macy's parade, Whalen's downtown was a measly one block long. A one block march would take no longer than one blast of the fire engine's horn, one note on the tuba, a few marching steps. In short, Whalen was too short for a parade.
The citizens of Whalen considered their shortcomings and came up with a unique solution. If the parade couldn't march in front of its spectators, the spectators would march around the parade. And so it was that the idea for the first Stand Still Parade was conceived.
CBS got wind of the unique parade and did a feature on it back in 1995. Since then,  1500 visitors stop by each year to march around the parade.
Over the years, there's been some stop and go. It isn't always easy to keep a parade that doesn't go going. But, at least so far, year after year, the parade doesn't march on. And on May 19 of this year, the fire carriage from the Whalen fire department circa 1869, was, as it is every year, polished and then stood still in the middle of Main Street. 

For more on Whalen's Stand Still Parade, click HERE

What the ? Friday: The World's Largest Fry Pan; Sizzle and Contention

Welcome to WTF,  an occasional Friday blog where I ramble on about some of the amusing, amazing, awe inspiring, or just plain crazy things in the world.

Here in the US of A, we're big on biggering. We super size everything from our colas to our mattresses to the stores we buy them in. So it's no wonder that there are lots of claims of 'worlds largest' in a lot of towns big and small around this great big land of ours. There's the world's largest ball of string, the world's largest pizza, the world's largest boll weevil.  Think of about anything you can imagine and I'll bet you a super size order of fries there's a big one out there somewhere.

The cast iron beauty in Brandon Iowa is one of six contenders. Photo courtesy of Wikemedia

All this biggering can led to contention, as is the case for the title of "World's Largest Fry Pan." In the case of the humble skillet on steriods, there are no less than six contenders for the title. Here, in no particular order, are the candidates.

*Long Beach, Washington  Can easily hold the title of "oldest largest fry pan". This portentous pan was built back in 1941 for the town's Clam Festival. It's no longer operational, but sits as a monument perfect for photo ops. As an extra plus, you can also grab a photo of the kids with alligator man, housed just across the street at Marsh's free museum.

*Rose Hill, South Carolina For form and function, you can't beat Rose Hill's largest FP. It's deep enough to hold 200 gallons of cooking oil. Built in 1963 as a tribute to area's poultry industry, it's still used to cook chickens at various festivals and fairs. And cook chickens it can--this supreme skillet holds up to 365 birds.

*Brandon, Iowa Lovingly crafted by volunteers, this cast iron colossus weighs in at 1020 pounds. It's the big sizzle at Brandon's Cowboy Breakfast--it holds up to 88 pounds of bacon and can fry up 44 dozen eggs.

* Pittsfield, Maine  This titan of teflon holds the distinction of being non stick. You'll have to come to the Pittsfield Egg Festival in July to see it in action. The town stores it in the public works garage when it's not in use. What's up with that?

* London, Kentucky  This phantasm of fry has been used at the World Chicken Festival for nearly two decades. London takes its chicken seriously, it's near the home of Colonel Sanders of KFC fame. Aficionados may scoff at this contender, as it's actually more a deep fryer.  So perhaps we'll title it the  Diva of the Deep, instead.

*Wilmington Delaware The Wilmington Whopper is so cherished by the people of this fair city that they have given it its own museum display. This pharaoh of fry pans was retired back in 1998 after an illustrious 48 years at the DelMarVa Chicken Festival. An artifact of astronomic proportions, it's been bolted to the wall at the museum of the Historical Society of Delaware. 


Which would you chose for the title of "World's Largest?"
Feel free to tell me in a comment. Though I must warn you, voting here doesn't count.

What the? Friday: Ten warning signs that your party planner might be a drug lord.

 
Welcome to What the Friday?  WTF is an occasional Friday blog about some of the quirky or amusing or amazing or just plain crazy things I've read about or heard about.

Wikimedia photo

Have you ever planned a kid's birthday party? Ah, the balloons, the cake, the ice cream, the party games and favors. There's a lot involved, so some parents opt to hire a party planner.
 There are any number of companies who will help you  with your party needs. If you live in the Palm Beach, Florida, area you might use It'z a Kidz World. They have it all: bouncy castles, snacks, even pony rides. And that friendly faced dude with the tattoos who runs the company? He moonlights as a drug lord.

Wikimedia photo

Dilbert Coreas, it seems, has been living a double life. By day, he's a kid's party planner. By night, he's a notorious gangster. His drug cartel, MS-13, specializes in the illegal trafficking of  drugs and humans. They are known for hacking victims with machetes. The story was recently in the New York Daily News. You can read about it HERE








So this week, as a public service to parents with young children everywhere, I've come up with a list of ten warning signs that your party planner might be a drug lord.

1) The horned creature tattooed on his neck is not a buffalo
2) The ponies for the pony rides are actually mules
3) He uses a machete to split the hot dog buns.
5) When he says "say hello to my little friend", he's not  referring to one of the  kids.
6) The pinata is filled with something that looks like cold capsules.
7) The label on the sugar packets read "sweet and high".
8) When he talks about 'heat', he's not talking about the weather.
9) The bouncy castle is bullet proof
10) He insists you pay him with unmarked bills in a brown paper bag.

Hope this helps in planning your next party.